![]() Is there another America in another dimension that’s keeping tabs on us? What kind of budget do you think they have? You’d need three hundred million people to monitor three hundred million people that closely. Hey, Craig, stop calling pot “Al Green” and coke “Barry White” when you talk to me on the phone. In fact, that little familial affirmation has given me the confidence to call bullshit on a lot of things. I can almost forgive you for drinking your way out of me and Mom’s life. Small planes and helicopters ditch all the time, but there has never been a single ditching by a US flag commercial airline.” I fucking knew it! Those oxygen things that fall down, the inflatable life jackets, the little cards that tell you how to crash: all bullshit. My dad’s a pilot, and guess what he said. Do you actually think I believe that we’re going to ditch (that’s what pilots call it) softly on the ocean and the inflatable ramps will come out and I’ll take off my high heels and slide down to the not-freeze-me-to-death water? I guess I’ll just use my seat cushion as a flotation device while the Coast Guard comes to take me to my destination (hope my luggage doesn’t get wet). Blow up into a thousand pieces and drown. ![]() This stewardess seems pretty and nice and everything, but why are we supposed to sit here and learn what to do when we go careening into the ocean? I already know what to do. ![]()
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